Pica: the feeling I get when I think of our last conversation, "i have made a huge mistake" I just realized you are just a bigger version of our lost scared boys, you have made it further, continued living longer, I know they say that us gringos we feel too much, but I saw it in your eyes, I felt it in the room, there is a black hole inside you, I can feel it inside me now. Yet I can feel you willing me to fill it, trusting me, like nothing about the hardest life I can imagine had hardened you,
What is the most unsettling is you, all our lost boys, are still so eager to smile, to trust, to love I don't know how to connect the two, or even which of all my over active feelings I am having. Its like my feelings are an oxymoron they can't coexist
There are these two combating forces the evil of desparity and pain, abandonment, abuse...and the overwhelming willingness to love and accept love radiating from you, all of you.
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